Thursday, October 16, 2008

X Morons

As I do not have a job to go to for a while I figured I would turn in my monthly blog. I figured that since our self worth should be based on the stockmarket ticker number that we have all been feeling pretty worthless lately. Yesterday was particularly bad, there was a decrease of over 700 points. In light of this I decided to make everyone feel a little better about themselves by writing about a group of misfits that should make everyone feel like there is someone out there a little worst off than we are. Of course I am speaking of the ridiculous X-men (for some reason the comic book got the original Polish translation wrong and called them the incredible X-men- common mistake- they are definitely the RIDICULOUS X-men!)

Best of the best, or rather should I say dumbest of the dumb is Cyclops- first off what a dumb name for a guy with TWO eyes!!! For those of you who aren't familiar with the X-men Cyclops is a guy with TWO eyes who shoots laser beams out of his eyes when he opens them. This ridiculous power is controlled by a special set of glasses that he wears. The recent movies have shown that he can wear some special sunglasses made of this stuff when he is in public. My question is why they don't just make his glasses into contacts? Interestingly enough, he would be quite normal with a set of special contacts, you know . . . made from the same stuff that the glasses are made out of. Despite this simple solution to the problem he still goes by that ridiculous name and continues to wear those stupid glasses when he gets into a fight.
Second on the list is Storm. I must say that for someone with such a cool power she certainly doesn't know how to use it. There are plently of famines and draughts throughout the world, yet she tends to focus her powers on a little problems. And this is not to mention . . . she didn't stop Katrina? Supposedly she can control the weather. So, why did she allow Katrina and Ike to destroy New Orleans and the Texas? I think we should all stop blaming President Bush and FEMA and whoever else for out problems and start blaming the X-men, who are the cause-of and solution-to all the world's problems.


Wolverine has one of the most enviable powers: super healing. Amazingly, his powers are transferred to his pants but not his shirt. In the latest X-men movie (for those of you unfortunate enough to see it), while trying to get close to the super destructive Phoenix he has flesh ripped from his body, all the while his pants remain intact. AMAZING!!!! I want a pair of indestructible pants too! They are even stronger than his skin. It also seems that the X-men's powers get so much more ridiculous as the movies progress. The first movie (fairly entertaining) included the X-men getting beat up and some dying, and even the main characters get hurt or are vulnerable to normal threats . . . by the third movie they are making the Golden Gate bridge fly around . . . ridiculous.



Who can forget Professor X? He has enough power to stop all the non-mutants from moving why doesn't he use his power to stop the non-mutants whilst he and his mutants do their thing? He is retarded, he should use his mind powers to make his legs work, and maybe grow some hair for his bald head. Actually I think Obama is trying to be Xavier, he's got the bald head thing and leads a bunch of misfits around in a vain attempt to same the planet from their own kind. Besides, I think it looks like the professor is driving around a bumper car from an amusement park. Absolutely ridiculous! There you are folks the Ridiculous X-men!

3 comments:

Carrie said...

I can always count on a good laugh from your blog. Hope everything is going well. Love you.

Jenny Ann said...

You really do have just alittle too much time. But I would much rather have lots of jared all the time than No Jared ever.
I love you!

Amy said...

It is good to see that they didn't remove your sense of humor from your surgery. It's good to read your blogs they are pretty funny. Love ya bro.