Airy Potta

Admittedly I've read J.K. Rowlings' Harry Potter series in both English and Spanish, something I will have to live with for the rest of my life, unless of course I develop some sort of cognitive impairment that eliminates the portion of my memory that stores things like: how pig-crap smells, the Spanish word for window-shopping, what Skittles taste like (nasty little candies), the name of my elementary school classmate who got arrested for growing marijuana, and other useless information. It all honesty I was entertained by Rowlings' books. They kept me wanting more, just like when I was younger my friends and I would keep shocking ourselves with some exposed electrical wires . . . just because it was fun. I've actually gained a lot from reading her books in Spanish. I can now talk extensively in Spanish about witches and wizards, goblins and ghosts, and most importantly Harry Potter.

Ironically I started to read the Harry Potter series because of a girl. I say ironically because most men who read Harry Potter are single and have no chance of getting married (or they are already married and are just trying to figure out who their wives are talking about when the Visiting Teachers come over and chat for hours about how Lord Wartremover will kill the Boy Who Lived).

Now, Harry himself isn't anything special. His magic is total phony-balony and I can do the same things he can do, and I don't have to yell out stupid phrases like Stupid-Fact-O, or Pat-On-My-Rump!! Some might say . . . oh yeah, can you fly like Harry???? Stupid question! Harry needs a contraption to fly . . . I can fly too, I have a choice of airplanes, jets, helicopters, hovercraft, hot-air balloons, zeplins, catapults, and spaceships. Harry can fix his glasses with his wand, well I can fix glasses with a screw driver. Harry can cast spells that stop people in their tracks . . . Have you ever heard of a taser-gun? Harry can use his wand like a flashlight! What is so special about a flashlight.

Truth be told Harry Potters world is pretty crappy- you've got staircases that are always changing (I'd get pretty pissed if after climbing several flights of stairs I had to wait for the staircase to spin around again. They don't even have elevators! They have crazy dragons flying around, they can't swim in their only lake for fear of some crazy mermaids, teachers are being killed or trees that kill you if you get too close, and seven years of learning the same ol material! And what occupations do they have when they graduate??? The only one's mentioned are bar tender, policemen, politician, and evil people. Your career choices are completely limited and the only sport they play is Quit-It!

So, here's to you J.K. You have made over a billion dollars selling seven loads of mediocre horse manure covered in magical jelly beans that taste like earwax and puke!